The Captain Kirk Heirarchy Of Crisis Negotiation

So the original Star Trek series is available on Amazon Prime, and because I like to work with background noise, I have begun plowing through the first season for the first time. To say the least, it's been amazing. Both in an ironic way and an un-ironic way and a paradoxical way. It's like the 2000s Doctor Who for the 1960s (which is good, but the 1960s Doctor Who is... pretty boring, sorry 1960s Doctor Who fans).

Anyway, I have noticed a pattern in how Captain Kirk handles difficult situations. I have developed a hierarchy of Kirk's methodologies for solving problems. If the first option does not work, he proceeds to the second option and then to the third and so on. Without further ado, I present:

The Captain Kirk Hierarchy of Crisis Negotiation

1. Seduce a woman / an alien woman.
2. Call Spock for help.
3. Punch somebody.
4. Throw something heavy.
5. Throw a belligerent child.
6. Find out how much of ship is on fire.
7. Set phasers to something, shoot everything.
8. Reject a seduced woman.
9. Deliver stirring speech.
10. Negotiate.

UPDATE:
   11. Tell two red shirts to stand guard, investigate their mysterious deaths

Faith in Evolution

It is obviously that this is a slouched,
hairy, stick-rubbing, naked ancestor of pre-man.

I have faith that God created the world and is powerful enough to maintain an accurate account of the process in public human knowledge.

or

I have faith in the big bang — the final vestige of the outdated notion of spontaneous generation. I have faith in scientists who have made careers out of their beliefs. I have faith in the research conducted by imperfect humans and often imperfect methods, namely that of significance testing. I have faith in radio-carbon dating, which requires an extraordinary extrapolation beyond the data. I have faith despite the statistical unlikelihood that humans evolved from a single-celled organism — that the complexities of eyes, vascular systems, and emotions can occur by chance. I have faith that "survival of the fittest" can result in more species instead of less, despite archaeological evidence and modern evidence suggesting the earth is and has always been losing species faster than gaining species. I have faith in macro evolution, despite a fossil record an old-school statistician would call "statistically insigificant." I have faith in the artistic renderings that always depict a naked, hair-covered monster with an ape-like face and a crude, violent community. I have faith in the institution of evolutionary scientists, who have built an industry around researching rationales for macro evolution, and thereby created a second layer of self-affirmation and financial self-incentive.

***

Personally, I believe the writers and story tellers who composed the Bible were not incapable of utilizing literary techniques. I know it's not popular to think our ancestors were capable of intelligence, but I have read too much ancient literature to think otherwise.

I imagine most Christians and Bible readers read everything a bit too monolithically, but the raw truth is that the Bible is full of hyperbole, sarcasm, and imagery. I would be a fool then to automatically assume and defend the notion that the earliest parts of Genesis are factual accounts and not analogies. Even as analogies, those early stories are powerful and accurately describe the human condition.

In other words, I full believe macro evolution and Christian faith are perfectly compatible.

I just don't have enough faith to believe in evolution.

Chocolate-Covered Bacon

Wow. If our house hadn't become a recent anti-sweets zone (I'm watching my sugar intake, Jamie's watching her nickel intake — and apparently LOTS of things have nickel in them), then this would be one of the most amazing blog posts ever:

As it stands, I find it repulsive. ><

NBC's Community To Feature John Hodgman

Holy crap.

Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap.

Community AND John Hodgman?



I'm pretty sure we've reached a premature Ragnarok.

At around 1:37, shortly after Evil Abed and immediately preceding Abed and Troy reverse-crab-walking down the halls of Greendale, we see, sitting with Britta Perry, this man:

And the event is portentous.

The English Major's Revenge

This may or may not be the single greatest Facebook conversation ever:

The King, or Just A King — Because Human History Is Like That

Nobody listens to Elvis anymore. When was the last time you heard his music on the radio? A full song of his? Or in a movie not set in the 1960s — or even one set in the 1960s?

He used to be called the King.

PHOTO: Submitted Without Comment